If I had the platform and influence, I would write a book on race called “Comfortable.”

There is a new type of racial tension that has been created by people who are a lot like me. Not all racists are people who are totally ignorant or foreign to black people. Some are quite familiar or “comfortable.” In fact, they (we) view ourselves as allies.

What do I mean by that? Let me use an analogy:

Imagine if you had a house quest that you didn’t necessarily invite over but you somewhat liked his company. Initially he helped out with the chores and cleaned up after himself. Imagine is that guest stayed awhile and over time began acting like it was his house. Imagine if that friend started telling you in authoritative terms how to run your house. I think many of us would be like, “dude you don’t even pay rent, shut up and get out!”

That is the story of many non-blacks in black culture. We have our feet up on the coffee table telling the owner of the house, “man if this was my house this is what I would do!” Many critics today of black people are non-blacks who view themselves as “friends” or “allies.” It’s a patronizing type of racism. They are so comfortable they view black culture as “our house.” It’s too easy to develop this attitude as a friend, ‘see, this is what you need to do!’

The rent that is paid on the house is the oppression and sacrifice that comes with living black in America.

It looks similar to when the former NBA All-Star Kyle Korver said in The Players’ Tribune magazine article “Privileged:” No matter how passionately I commit to being an ally, and not matter how unwavering my support is for NBA and WNBA player of color…I’m still in this conversation from the privileged perspective of opting in to it.”

Years ago, I took my feet off the coffee table. I realized that I can help with the rent, but as long as I look like how I look…my name isn’t on the lease or the deed.

It would be great if more “allies” would be better house guests.

Tony Ares was raised in Fayetteville, NC. Before graduating high school, Tony joined the Army during Operation Desert Shield and served with the Presidential Honor Guard. He has since become a preacher and later founder of the Hill Ministry in Dumfries. In addition to his community activism, he is a prolific writer through AFreshWord.org. He is married with two daughters, a loving church, and an eternal legacy.