“I am a fraud and eventually everyone will find out that I’m playing a role”: this is what many women tell themselves in what we label, ‘Imposter Syndrome’.

Imposter syndrome, according to one article, is the concept of “feeling like a fraud due to the self-doubt and lack of confidence. It stems from low self-esteem that makes us afraid of being discovered and judged inadequate or incompetent. We’re convinced that we’re really an ‘imposter,’ just tricking everyone. In an intimate relationship, we’re afraid of being found out and left.”

Living with the fear that people will eventually see the “real you” and that such a discovery will reveal a negative version of yourself affects women in the workplace, in friendships, and even in intimate partner relationships. In the latter example, intimate partner relationships, “imposter syndrome” can cause real challenges to healthy relationships. This insecurity can cause women to doubt the inherent sincerity of any positive feedback by their significant other and can lead to keeping certain aspects of themselves hidden from their partner, damaging the authenticity both people seek to bring to a given relationship.

So, what can one do to overcome becoming prisoner to this pervasive mentality?

Relationship Coach, Dr. Oliver T. Reid suggests starting with open communication towards your partner. He states, “You have to be who you are; the hardest thing is to be something that you are not and maintain that throughout your relationship. The actual issues are going to come out in your relationship, whether you want them to, so get in front of it and talk about it.”

Imposter Syndrome stems from our insecurities rooted in negative experiences and poor communication we received earlier in life. It is important to talk to your partner about these insecurities, and past experiences. An open and honest dialogue with your partner is the first step in strengthening the bond needed to overcome these challenges as a team.

Besides talking to your partner about your insecurities, it’s also a good idea to explore strategies that help you challenge these limiting beliefs as an individual. When you seek to work on what is affecting you as an individual, only then can you change the relationship you have with yourself first, and ultimately become a better partner to your significant other.

Provided below are several resources that can be used as an accessible launching point towards self-care and healing:

This interactive game for couples can get to know one another and ask the important questions. http://www.innerviewgame.com/?fbclid=IwAR2OjQgyZ5CCmzwDVu9reqx3EU4iPLNJWvtvbxuTak7IHSfDhMF7QLiZGLI

https://www.lilettaharlem.com/store-2/p/i-can-fix-my-self-help-book

Are you tired of being in the cycle of bad relationships? Are you struggling with negative feelings about yourself? Many women struggle all their lives dealing with the effects of childhood trauma. We may swing back and forth between looking for someone else to fix us or devoting our energy to repairing others. Or we may seek out love from food addictions, people obsessions and other negative solutions that we have created along the way. While these options may bring what seems like a temporary relief from the inner pain. Ultimately, this leaves us still emotionally broken and in need of healing. This book will take you on my journey of depression, therapy, and healing. I will share with you the steps I have taken to break free from old patterns and perceptions. It takes work, but these self-limiting belief systems based on various traumatic events and experiences in our lives, can be broken. If you are ready to put in the work to self-repair, then now is the time to make it happen.

As a Woman…is a weekly column discussing the unique challenges and solutions in health, wealth, finance and relationships. If you would like to share in the conversation email, lharlem@pwperspective.