In a recent project, I asked a group of 15 women that ranged in ages around 25-55 to name the most admired 5 Black females. The most common answers were Michelle Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Viola Davis, Kamala Harris and Amanda Gorman!

The adjectives used to describe these women across the group were words like, innovative, creative, artistic, determined, talented and independent.

While we admire these women in the Black community, there seems to be a shift in what’s exemplified on most media platforms. The sexualization of women has become front and center and many social media outlets help perpetuate the belief that in order to be relevant, you must dress in a way that leaves little to the imagination, dance seductively, and highlight your sexuality. The fear however is that while we fight to appear as more than an object, to have our lives matter, and to take us seriously, giving in to so called “freedoms of expression” can only send a message that our most valuable contribution to society is how well we “drop it low, twerk” or what we can do in the bedroom.

Some may argue that women may do what they want regarding self-expression. While that may be true, one definition of “expression” according to Dictionary.com, states “indication of feeling, spirit, character, etc., as on the face, in the voice, or in artistic execution”. So, our self-expression will tell people who we are. How we feel about ourselves and others.

Here’s another factor to consider, when discussing why black women are the most sought for human trafficking, according to an article by Chamberlin University, “Dr. Roberts-Tabb… points out that historically, black women were exploited as a sexual commodity, because they bore children and these children were forced into slavery.” The article says Black children account for over half of juvenile prostitution arrests, more than any other racial group. 62% of confirmed sex trafficking victims are African American.

Historically Black females are exploited as sexual commodity. This is our history that we attempt to break free from, however, if we present ourselves as sexual commodity then we mute the voices of so many people that are fighting hard to prove that we are more than what we can do sexually.

Our Black sisters must also understand that Black men, contrary to what they may see in social media, and in the hip hop culture, can appreciate nonphysical qualities in women.

I asked a few men from the community to share what positive qualities they appreciate about women.

Notice what these men had to say!

“The quality that I most appreciate in a woman is one who has a true understanding of partnership who commits and is intentional in her approach while still maintaining a sense of independence.” Wil Onix Lash, Emmy nominated Producer/Actor.

“Their calming presence”, Mark Wiggins, National Speaker, Coach and Owner of Off the Bench Magazine.

“I love how determined women are. When they put their minds to something, they get it done!” LT Thomas, Personal Trainer/Coach.

“Their growth mindset”, Ivory Hunter, Author and Host of the YouTube Series Moments with Ivory.

“Mental capacity”, Dr. Oliver Reid, Author, Writing Coach.

What if we are raising Black girls? How can we help them respect themselves and avoid the trend to want attention by displaying our bodies and highlighting our sexuality?

Ken Moorman, Author, Mentor and Founder of Jirani Coffeehouse shared this regarding how he helps his 13-year-old daughter. “I always tell my daughter that I love her. We work to remind her she is beautiful, not just because we say it but because of who she is. Our daughter is very talented and gorgeous, but we celebrate all her wins, the academic and artistic ones. As she gets older and develops into a young woman, we have the conversations with her about her body and explain to her that as her body develops, she will gain more attention. So, her mother helps her to find clothing that is still trendy but also keeps her from getting unnecessary attention. I try to let her and any adolescent females and young adults that I can give advice to understand that as a black woman, you already carry power. They will base the success you have in life and in relationships on how well you manage the power you have. What you give out is what you will attract, so make wise choices on what you put on display. The best example I gave is how recently Michelle Obama was trending on all media outlets for how beautiful she was at the Inauguration, and her clothing was not revealing. She was an example of how you can be beautiful and classy without compromising your personal values. Our daughter is still young, but we are confident that she will continue to make wise choices as we continue to guide her appropriately.

In summary, as we celebrate women this month, as a woman, let’s think about what we will be known as for future generations and what will our legacy be? Will the young women in the future name us as women that they look back on as women who changed the game and known for strength, courage, and tenacity? Will we use our freedom and our rights to carry the torch of the women before us that fought hard to be for recognition that went beyond what our bodies can offer?

As a woman, the choice is up to you.

Join us this Sunday for a Celebration of Women’s History, at the Women Making History and Changing the Game, Virtual Event! Register for your free ticket here:

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As a Woman…is a weekly column discussing the unique challenges and solutions in health, wealth, finance and relationships. If you would like to share in the conversation email, lharlem@pwperspective.